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Women: Moving Forward Financially after the Loss of a Spouse

The loss of a spouse can be a devastating, life-changing event. Due to longer life expectancies, women are more likely to face this situation. According to the U.S. Census Bureau’s 2015 Current Population Survey, approximately 34% of women age 65 and older are widows compared to approximately 12% of men.

Becoming a widow at any age can be one of the most difficult challenges a woman must face. Not only is there the emotional loss of a spouse, but also the task of handling everything–including all the finances–without the help of a spouse.

Even if you’ve always handled your family’s finances, the number of financial and legal matters that have to be settled in the weeks and months following your loved one’s death can be overwhelming.

Sadly, for many women, becoming a widow is a first step toward economic hardship. That’s why it’s critical for you to organize your finances after your spouse’s death and take ongoing steps to secure your financial future and that of your family.

First, take a deep breath

Before you start handling the financial end of things, though, make sure to consider your own needs. The period following the death of a spouse can be a blur of emotions–shock, sadness, despair, anger, denial. It’s important to allow yourself the freedom to feel however you want to feel. You don’t owe it to anyone to feel or act in a certain way.

Facing your loss can ultimately help you as you work to adapt to the new conditions of your life, so that in time you can create something new. This period of adjustment, which can last for several years, is often a time of profound self-discovery for women, who may find themselves examining issues of identity, life meaning, and aging.

During this time, it’s important to surround yourself with people you trust–family, friends, support groups, professionals–who can offer support and advice that’s in your best interest.

The short term: steps to take

There are several financial tasks that must be done in the weeks and months after a spouse’s death. If some matters are too overwhelming to tackle alone, don’t hesitate to ask family or friends for help.

Locate important documents and financial records.

In order to settle your spouse’s estate, you’ll need to locate a number of important documents. These include your spouse’s will and other estate planning documents (e.g., trust), insurance policies, bank and brokerage statements, stock and bond certificates, deeds, Social Security number, birth and marriage certificates, and certified copies of the death certificate.

Set up a communications tracking and filing system.

To help keep track of all the details, set up a system to record incoming and outgoing calls and mail. For phone calls, keep a notebook handy where you can write down the caller’s name, date, and subject of the call. For mail, keep track of what you receive and whether a response is required by a certain date.

Make a list of the names and phone numbers of the people and organizations you’re dealing with and post it in a central location. Finally, create a filing system for important documents and correspondence with separate folders for different topics–i.e., insurance, government benefits, tax information, bank records, estate records, and so on.

Seek professional advice to settle the estate and file tax returns.

Getting expert help from an attorney, accountant, and/or financial and tax professional can be invaluable during this stressful time. Consider bringing a family member or friend with you to meetings so you will have an extra pair of eyes and ears to process information.

An attorney can help you review your spouse’s will and other estate planning documents and start estate settlement procedures. If you are named executor in the will (or if you are appointed as the personal representative), you will be responsible for carrying out the terms of the will and settling the estate

Settling the estate means following certain legal and administrative procedures to make sure that all debts of the estate are paid and that all assets are distributed to the rightful persons. An attorney can tell you what procedures to follow. A tax professional can help you file certain federal and state tax returns that may be due.

A financial professional can help you by conducting a comprehensive review of your financial situation and identifying any retirement and survivor’s benefits that may be available to you.

 

Apply for benefits. You’ll need to contact several institutions for information on how you can file for benefits.

  • Life insurance–Life insurance benefits are not automatic; you have to file a claim for them. This should be one of the first things you do. Ask your insurance agent to begin filing a claim (if you don’t have an agent, contact the company directly). Most claims take only a few days to process.
  • Social Security Administration (SSA)–Contact the SSA to see if you and/or your dependent children are eligible to file a claim for retirement, survivor, or death benefits.
  • Employers–Contact your spouse’s most recent and past employers to find out if you are eligible for any company benefits. If your spouse was a federal, state, or local employee or in the military, you may be eligible for government-sponsored survivor’s benefits.

Update account names.

You may need to contact financial institutions to change account names and/or update contact information.

Evaluate short-term expenses.

You may have immediate expenses to take care of, such as funeral costs or outstanding debts your spouse may have incurred. If you’re waiting for insurance proceeds or estate settlement money, you can use credit cards for certain expenses or you can try to negotiate with creditors to allow you to postpone payment for 30 days or more, if necessary.

Make sure you have one or more credit cards in your name, and when you can, order a free copy of your credit report and review it for accuracy.

Avoid hasty decisions.

For discretionary financial decisions, go at your own pace, not someone else’s. For example, don’t commit to move from your current home until you can make a decision based on reason instead of emotion.

Don’t spend money impulsively. Don’t cave in to pressure to sell or give away your spouse’s possessions. Find out where you stand financially before you make any large purchases, sell property, or loan money to others.

Moving ahead: the big picture

After the initial legal and financial matters related to your spouse’s death are taken care of, you’ll enter a transition phase when you’ll be adjusting to your new financial circumstances. As you navigate this terrain, you might find it helpful to work with a financial professional who can help you by:

  • Suggesting ways to invest any life insurance proceeds or estate settlement money you receive
  • Calculating your net worth by identifying your assets and liabilities, giving you an understanding of how you’ll meet your short- and long-term spending needs
  • Establishing a budget by looking at your monthly income and routine living expenses, and making adjustments as needed
  • Helping you update beneficiary designations on your life insurance, retirement plan, IRA, employee benefits, annuity, and so on
  • Reviewing your investment portfolio at least annually
  • Updating your estate planning documents (e.g., will, trust, health-care directives, power of attorney) to reflect your circumstances and your wishes for disposition of the marital estate (e.g., gifts to children, grandchildren, charities)
  • Updating your insurance coverage to reflect your new circumstances

Generally speaking, women may have a different set of expectations and requirements from their financial professional than men. As you work with a financial professional, make sure he or she is responsive to what you say you need, not what your advisor thinks you want. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, and make sure you understand all your options before making important decisions.

We understand the unique needs and challenges women face. Click here to learn more information from our affiliate company PLJ Advisors

 

As you move forward with your life, remember that at times it may be two steps forward and one step back. Take comfort in the fact that you are doing the best you can to make the best decisions–financial and otherwise–for yourself and your family.

 

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Divorce and Debt

What is debt and how is it classified for divorce purposes?

Like property, debt is classified as marital or separate. In general, both spouses are responsible for any debts incurred during the marriage. It doesn’t matter which party actually spent the money.

When the property is divided at the time of divorce, it’s often the case that the person who gets the asset also gets the responsibility for paying any indebtedness secured by that asset. Even if your spouse agrees to take over the debt, joint obligors on a loan will remain jointly responsible. That is, the creditors can seek payment from either of you.

There are basically four types of debt:

  • Secured debt
  • Unsecured debt
  • Tax debt
  • Divorce expense debt

Secured debt

Secured debt gives the lienholder or lender a right to repossess the property in the event of your default on the loan. Some examples of secured debt include mortgages on your real estate, car loans, and boat loans.

If a loan stands in the joint names of you and your spouse, you’ll need to make it very clear in your separation agreement who will be responsible for making payments on the loan.

Otherwise, if one spouse fails to make timely payments, the creditor can pursue the other spouse or (eventually) seek repossession.

Unsecured debt

Unsecured debt does not give the lender the right to repossess any specific property, although there are other remedies at law. Typical examples of unsecured debt include credit cards, personal bank loans or lines of credit, and loans from family and friends.

Tax debt

If you sign a joint return with your spouse, you’re each liable for the tax debt. For three years after the due date for filing your return, the IRS can perform a random audit of your joint tax return (although the period may be longer than three years in cases of fraud or failure to file).

To avoid potential tax problems in the future, your divorce agreement should spell out what happens if any additional interest, penalties, or taxes are imposed for any prior tax year.

Not with standing any such agreement, you should be aware of the so-called innocent spouse rules, which provide certain protections to a taxpayer whose spouse understated the tax due on a joint return. A number of rules and conditions apply.

Divorce expense debt

Divorce can be expensive, and sometimes a spouse will seek a court order to make the other party subsidize attorney’s fees for both sides. This might happen, for instance, when only one spouse works. Since the homemaker-spouse may have no income to pay for a divorce attorney, a judge might order the working spouse to pay.

Sometimes both parties work or have sufficient funds with which to retain attorneys. In these cases, you’ll need to spell out who pays for what.

For instance, if both parties want the family business, the family home, or a pension to be appraised, you’ll have to apportion the costs. The same holds true if you both decide to transfer title to an asset after a divorce.

Debts can also be incurred during the separation period. If luxuries are purchased during this period, courts are likely to assign the debt solely to the party who ran up the debt. In general, debts incurred after the separation date and before the divorce is final are the responsibility of the spouse who incurred them.

One exception is family necessities (i.e., food, clothing, shelter, and medical care). These necessities can be paid by the other spouse if the incurring-spouse can’t afford to pay.

What are the rules regarding joint credit card debt?

Either signer on a joint credit card can be held responsible for 100 percent of the debt, not just one-half of the debt.

Example(s): Hal and Jane are seeking a divorce. During their marriage, Hal handled the finances and Jane stayed home with the children. During the discovery period of their divorce, Jane learned that Hal ran up over $30,000 on their joint credit cards to pay for his expensive suits, dinners for friends, recreational pursuits, and the like. Since they live in a community property state, all assets and debts will be divided down the middle.

Thus, Jane will be responsible for paying $15,000 of the debt (from a judge’s perspective). However, if Hal fails to keep up with his monthly payments (or, if he decides not to pay any of his $15,000), the credit card companies can go after Jane for the full $30,000 because the divorce settlement is not binding on creditors.

During divorce proceedings, several issues can arise regarding credit cards, such as removing a spouse as an authorized signer, and understanding the obligations of joint credit card owners versus single card owners with two authorized signers.

Will my former spouse’s bankruptcy affect me?

Maybe. It will depend on the type of bankruptcy your former spouse chooses to file under (Chapter 7 or 13) and the type of debt owed.

Debts such as alimony and/or child support payments (e.g., domestic support obligations) that are incurred as a result of a divorce decree/separation agreement, are protected from bankruptcy discharge (although a debtor’s bankruptcy can be the basis for the future reduction of these types of debts).

On the other hand, debts owed as a result of a property settlement may be dischargeable under Chapter 13 bankruptcy. It is important to note that the ways in which bankruptcy and divorce affect one another are complex. As a result, you may want to consult a bankruptcy or divorce attorney for more information.

How do you divide debt at divorce?

Basically, you have five options in allocating your marital debts:

  • You and your spouse can sell joint property to raise the cash to pay off your marital debts.
  • You can agree to pay most of the debts. In return, you can request a greater share of the marital property or a corresponding increase in alimony.
  • Your spouse can agree to pay the bulk of the debts. In exchange, your spouse may get a greater share of the marital property or increase in alimony.
  • You and your spouse divide the property and debt equally; that is, each of you gets one-half of the property and each of you agrees to pay one-half of the debt
  • If you’re a homemaker with children, your spouse might be ordered to pay the bulk of the debt, pay alimony, and perhaps allow you to keep the house and a portion of other significant assets, such as your spouse’s pension.

Because of the threat of bankruptcy and/or damage to your credit report, it might be wise to sell joint assets to pay off debt, or to assume responsibility for the debts yourself.

How can I repair my credit after a divorce?

Credit problems generally stay on your record for seven years, while bankruptcies can remain for up to 10. There are some steps you can take to repair credit damaged during a divorce:

1. Obtain a copy of your credit report and look for errors. Sometimes, your credit history may be confused with someone else who has a similar name.

2. Meet with a consumer credit counseling representative. A representative can provide you with tools to negotiate with your creditors. He or she can also give you some useful suggestions for paying your bills.

3. Open a secured credit arrangement with your bank. If you deposit a specific sum of cash with a bank (such as $500), the bank will sometimes provide you with a secured credit card. Making timely payments will help to repair your credit over time.

What questions (relative to debt) should you consider before entering into a divorce settlement agreement?

Before sitting down with an attorney, think about which debts were contracted prior to marriage (separate debt) and which debts were contracted during the marriage (marital debt). With respect to marital debt, consider the following questions:

  • If I wish to keep a particular marital asset, will I have sufficient income to keep up with the loan payments?
  • Should I liquidate other assets to retire the debt completely (or partially)?
  • If my spouse proposes a property settlement agreement, is there any likelihood that he or she would subsequently declare bankruptcy?
  • Can I collateralize property settlement notes from my spouse so that bankruptcy will not eliminate his or her obligation to me?
  • If, pursuant to our divorce agreement, my ex-spouse assumed responsibility for all credit card debt, what are my legal remedies if he defaults? How can the divorce agreement be enforced?

 

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Test Your Knowledge of Financial Basics

How well do you understand personal finance? The following brief quiz can help you gauge your knowledge of a few basics. In the answer section, you’ll find details to help you learn more.

Questions

1. How much should you set aside in liquid, low-risk savings in case of emergencies?

a. One to three months worth of expenses
b. Three to six months worth of expenses
c. Six to 12 months worth of expenses
d. It depends

2. Diversification can eliminate risk from your portfolio.

a. True
b. False

3. Which of the following is a key benefit of a 401(k) plan?

a. You can withdraw money at any time for needs such as the purchase of a new car.
b. The plan allows you to avoid paying taxes on a portion of your compensation.
c. You may be eligible for an employer match, which is essentially getting free money.
d. None of the above

4. Some, but not all, of the money in a bank or credit union account is protected.

a. True
b. False

5. Which of the following is typically the best way to pursue your long-term goals?

a. Investing as conservatively as possible to minimize the chance of loss
b. Investing equal amounts in stocks, bonds, and cash investments
c. Investing 100% of your money in stocks
d. Not enough information to decide

6. In debt speak, what does APR stand for?

a. Actual percentage rate
b. Annual personal rate
c. Annual percentage rate
d. Actual personal return

7. Mutual funds are the safest types of investments.

a. True
b. False

8. I have plenty of time to save for retirement. I don’t have to concern myself with that right now.

a. True
b. False

9. What is/are the benefit(s) of a Roth IRA?

a. A Roth IRA can provide tax-free income in retirement.
b. Investors can take a tax deduction for their Roth IRA contributions.
c. Investors can make tax-free withdrawals after a five-year holding period for any reason.
d. All of the above

10. What is considered a good credit score?

a. 85 or above
b. 500 or above
c. B or above
d. 700 or above

Answers

1. d. Although it’s conventional wisdom to set aside three to six months worth of living expenses in a liquid savings vehicle, such as a bank savings account or money market account, the answer really depends on your own situation.

If your (and your spouse’s) job is fairly secure and you have other assets, you may need as little as three months worth of expenses in emergency savings. On the other hand, if you’re a business owner in a volatile industry, you may need as much as a year’s worth or more to carry you through uncertain times.

2. b — False. Diversification is a sound investment strategy that helps you manage risk by spreading your investment dollars among different types of securities and asset classes, but it cannot eliminate risk entirely, and it cannot guarantee a profit. You still run the risk of losing money.

3. c. Many employer-sponsored 401(k) plans offer a matching program, which is akin to receiving free money to invest. If your plan offers a match, you should try to contribute at least enough to take full advantage of it.

Some matching programs impose a vesting schedule, which means you will earn the right to the matching contributions and any earnings on those dollars over a period of time.

If you selected b as your answer, you’ll note this is a bit of a trick question. Although income taxes are deferred on contributions to traditional 401(k)s, they are not eliminated entirely.

You will have to pay taxes on those contributions, and any earnings on them, when you take a distribution from the plan. In addition, distributions taken prior to age 59½ may be subject to a 10% penalty tax. Some exceptions apply.

4. a — True. Deposits in federally insured banks and credit unions are insured by the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC) and the National Credit Union Share Insurance Fund (NCUSIF), respectively, up to $250,000 per depositor, per ownership category (e.g., single account, joint account, retirement account, trust account), per institution.

Neither the FDIC nor the NCUSIF protects against losses in stocks, bonds, mutual funds, life insurance policies, annuities, or municipal securities, nor do they insure items held in safe-deposit boxes or investments in Treasury bills.

5. d. To adequately pursue your long-term goals, you might consult with a financial professional before choosing a strategy. He or she will take into consideration your goals, risk tolerance, and time horizon, among other factors, to put together a strategy that’s appropriate for your needs.

6. c. APR stands for annual percentage rate. This is the rate that credit card, mortgage, and other loan issuers use to show borrowers approximately how much they are paying each year to borrow funds, taking into account all fees and costs.

The APR differs from a loan’s stated interest rate, which is typcially lower than the APR because it does not take into account fees and other costs. Borrowers can compare the APRs on different loans to help make smart financial decisions.

However, when it comes to mortgages, borrowers should use caution when comparing the APRs of fixed-rate loans and adjustable-rate loans, because APRs do not represent the maximum interest rate the loan may charge.

7. b — False. Mutual funds combine the money of many different investors in a portfolio of securities that’s invested in pursuit of a stated objective. Because of this “diversification,” mutual funds are typically a good way to help manage risk. However, the level of risk inherent in any mutual fund depends on the types of securities it holds.

You should always choose a mutual fund carefully to make sure its objective aligns with your own investment goals. Read the fund’s prospectus carefully, as it contains important information about risks, fees, and expenses, as well as details about specific holdings.

8. b — False. Although retirement may be decades away, investing for retirement now is a smart move. That’s because even small amounts–say just $50 per month–can add up through the power of compounding, which is what happens when your returns eventually earn returns themselves. This means your money goes to work for you!

9. a. The primary benefit of a Roth IRA is that it provides tax-free income in retirement. Contributions are subject to income limits and are never tax deductible. Withdrawals may be made after a holding period of five years, provided they are “qualified.”

A qualified withdrawal is one made after the account holder dies, becomes disabled, or reaches age 59½, or one in which the account holder withdraws up to $10,000 (lifetime limit) for a first-time home purchase.

10. d. Because different organizations calculate credit scores based on varying factors, there is no single agreed-upon definition of what constitutes a “good” score. Generally, though, a score of 700 or above would likely reflect favorably on someone applying for credit.

 

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Long-Term Care Planning Checklist

Printable Version

General information Yes No N/A
1. Has relevant personal information been gathered?
• Name
• Date of birth
• Legal state of residence
• Health status, including medications being taken
• Marital status
• Family members available for support
• Name, phone number, and address of attorney, physician, geriatric care manager or other advisor		 ▢ ▢ ▢
2. Has financial situation been assessed?
• Income from Social Security, pension, employment, or other source
• Expenses
• Assets
• Liabilities		 ▢ ▢ ▢
Notes:
Long-term care planning Yes No N/A
1. Is the need for long-term care imminent? ▢ ▢ ▢
2. Are assets sufficient to cover long-term care needs? ▢ ▢ ▢
3. Have ways to fund long-term care been reviewed/evaluated? ▢ ▢ ▢
4. If homeowner, has home equity as a use of funds been discussed? ▢ ▢ ▢
5. Are long-term care insurance benefits available? ▢ ▢ ▢
6. Have various housing options and their costs been considered?
• In-home care
• Living with a relative
• Continuing care retirement community
• Assisted living
• Nursing home		 ▢ ▢ ▢
Notes:
Insurance planning Yes No N/A
1. Is adequate health insurance available?• Medicare
• Medigap
• Private health insurance
• Prescription plans		 ▢ ▢ ▢
2. Have Medicaid planning goals and strategies been considered? ▢ ▢ ▢
3. Has Medicaid qualification criteria been discussed? ▢ ▢ ▢
4. Has the need for long-term care insurance been established? ▢ ▢ ▢
5. Is long-term care insurance coverage available to the client? ▢ ▢ ▢
6. Have existing long-term care insurance policies been reviewed/evaluated? ▢ ▢ ▢
7. Does long-term care insurance coverage need to be upgraded? ▢ ▢ ▢
8. Do long-term care benefits need to be accessed? ▢ ▢ ▢
Notes:
Estate planning Yes No N/A
1. Has long-term care planning been coordinated with estate planning needs? ▢ ▢ ▢
2. Have appropriate estate planning documents been prepared?
• Will
• Trust		 ▢ ▢ ▢
3. Have advanced medical directives been prepared?
• Durable power of attorney
• Living will
• Health-care proxy		 ▢ ▢ ▢
4. Have letters of instruction been prepared? ▢ ▢ ▢
5. Has this information been communicated to family members? ▢ ▢ ▢
Notes:
Other Yes No N/A
1. Has the need for organizing important documents and records been discussed?
• Bank account records (statements and passbooks)
• Monthly bills to be paid
• Stock certificates, bonds, and other investment records
• Retirement plan statements
• Real estate deeds, mortgages, and other property ownership records
• Vehicle titles
• Business agreements
• Insurance policies
• Will, trust, advanced medical directives, letters of instruction, and other documents
• Birth certificate, marriage certificate, divorce decree, military service papers		 ▢ ▢ ▢
Notes:

Printable Version

 

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Women: Living in the Sandwich Generation

At a time when your career is reaching a peak and you are looking ahead to your own retirement, you may find yourself in the position of having to help your children with college expenses or the financial challenges of young adulthood while at the same time looking after the needs of your aging parents.

Squeezed in the middle, you’re in the “sandwich generation”–a group loosely defined as people in their 40s to 60s who are “sandwiched” between caring for children and aging parents.

The fact is, women are the ones who most often step into the caregiving role.* As more women have children later in life and more parents live longer lives, the ranks of the sandwich generation are likely to grow in the years ahead.

If you find yourself sandwiched between caregiving demands, here are some strategies to navigate this life phase.

Setting priorities

The day-to-day demands of caring for both an aging parent and children can put a tremendous strain–both emotional and financial–on the primary caregiver.

This is especially true when adult siblings or family members don’t agree on the best course of action for elder care, don’t pitch in to do their share, or don’t contribute enough financially to the cost of that care.

The first thing to do is get yourself in the proper mindset. This life phase could last one or two years, or it could last many more. In any case, try to treat this stage as a marathon and pace yourself; you don’t want to start sprinting right out of the gate and burn out too soon.

Encourage open communication with your family to figure out ways to share the financial, emotional, and time burdens. Hold regular meetings to discuss issues, set priorities, and delegate tasks.

Women are often conditioned to believe they have to “do it all,” but there is no reason why adult siblings (if you have any) can’t share at least some of the workload.

It’s important for caregivers to get their own financial house in order. Ironically, at the very time you need to do this, the demands of caregiving may cause you to lose income because you have to step back at work–through reduced hours, unpaid time off, or turning down a promotion. Here are some tips to get your finances on track:

  • Establish a budget and stick to it
  • Keep your debt under control. Consumer debt (i.e., car payments, credit cards) should account for no more than 20% of your take-home pay.
  • Invest in your own future by putting as much as you can into your retirement plan, and avoid raiding it to pay for your parent’s care or your child’s college education.
  • Don’t quit your job before exploring other arrangements. If you need more time at home than vacation or personal days can provide, ask your employer if you can telecommute, flex your hours, reduce your hours temporarily, or take unpaid leave.Another option is to enroll your parent in an adult day-care program or hire a home health aide to fill the gaps. Some employers offer elder-care resource locators or other caregiving support as an employee benefit, so make sure to check.Permanently leaving your job should be a last resort–time out of the workforce will reduce not only your earnings but possibly your Social Security benefit at retirement as well.

Caring for your parents

Talk to your parents about their financial resources. Do they have retirement income? Long-term care insurance? Do they own their home? Learn the whereabouts of all their documents and accounts, as well as the financial professionals and friends they rely on for advice and support.

Much depends on whether your parent is living with you or out of town. If your parent lives a distance away, you’ll have to monitor his or her welfare from afar–a challenging task.

Though caregiving can be a major stress on anyone, distance can magnify it–daily phone calls or video chats might not be enough, and traveling to your parent’s home can be expensive and difficult to manage with your work and family responsibilities.

If your parent’s needs are great enough, you may want to consider hiring a geriatric care manager, who can help oversee your parent’s care and direct you to the right community resources, and/or a home health aide, who can check in on your parent during the week.

Here are some things you should do:

  • Take inventory of your parent’s assets and consolidate his or her financial accounts.
  • Get a current list of the medicines your parent takes and the doctors he or she sees.
  • Have your parent establish a durable power of attorney and health-care directive, which gives you legal authority to handle financial and health-care decisions if your parent becomes incapacitated. And make sure your parent has a will.
  • Consider consulting a tax professional to see if you might be entitled to potential tax benefits as a result of your caregiving; for example, you might be able to claim your parent as a dependent.
  • If your parent’s needs are great enough, you might need to go a step further and explore assisted-living options or nursing homes.

Eventually, you might decide that your parent needs to move in with you.

In that case, here are some suggestions to make that transition:

  • Talk with your parent in advance about both of your expectations and concerns.
  • If possible, set up a separate room and phone for your parent for some space and privacy.
  • Research local programs to see what resources are offered for seniors; for example, the senior center may offer social gatherings or adult day care that can give you a much needed break.
  • Ask and expect adult siblings to help out. Siblings who may live far away and can’t help out physically on a regular basis, for example, can make a financial contribution that can help you hire assistance. They can also research assisted-living or nursing home options. Don’t try to do everything yourself.
  • Keep the lines of communication open, which can go a long way to the smooth running of your multigenerational family.

Meeting the needs of your children

Your children may be feeling the effect of your situation more than you think, especially if they are teenagers.

At a time when they still need your patience and attention, you may be preoccupied with your parent’s care, meeting your work deadlines, and juggling your financial obligations.

Here are some things to keep in mind as you try to balance your family’s needs:

  • Explain what changes may come about as you begin caring for your parent. Talk honestly about the pros and cons of having a grandparent in the house, and be sympathetic and supportive of your children (and your spouse) as they try to adjust. Ask them to take responsibility for certain chores, but don’t expect them to be the main caregivers.
  • Discuss college plans. Encourage realistic expectations about the college they may be able to attend. Your kids may have to settle for less than they wanted, or at least get a job to help meet costs.
  • Teach your kids how to spend wisely and set financial priorities
  • Try to build in some special time with your children doing an activity they enjoy.
  • If you have “boomerang children” who’ve returned home, make sure to share your expectations with them, too. Expect help with chores (above and beyond their own laundry and meal prep), occasional simple caregiving, and a financial contribution to monthly household expenses.

Considering your needs

This stage of your life could last many years, or just a few. Try to pace yourself so you can make it for the long haul.

As much as you can, try to get adequate sleep, eat nutritiously, and exercise–all things that will increase your ability to cope. Don’t feel guilty about taking time for yourself when you need it, whether it’s a couple of hours holed up with a book or out to the movies, or a longer weekend getaway.

The day-to-day demands of caring for an aging parent and children can put a tremendous strain–both emotional and financial–on the primary caregiver. Be sure to set priorities and encourage open communication with your entire family to figure out ways to share the burdens.

According to the Alzheimer’s Association report, 2016 Alzheimer’s Disease Facts and Figures, approximately two-thirds of caregivers are women.

When you put your own needs first occasionally and look after yourself, you’ll be in a better position to care for those around you.

*Alzheimer’s Association report, 2016 Alzheimer’s Disease Facts and Figures

 

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