Even though we ask for trivial things every day, the act of asking for a favor, comfort, or help makes a lot of people queasy. It’s difficult to ask for things that require a genuine connection and trust: things that have deeper meaning and expose our human vulnerability.
There’s no reason to stay quiet during hard times.
Our emotions, sensitivities, and, yes, even our imperfections make us who we really are, so why try to hide them from everybody and deal with them only by ourselves?
Trying to be some kind of perfect super woman will create emotional, mental, and physical strain.
People are not perfect and do not have everything figured out all the time, and you know it… so why should you be any different?
If you find it difficult to reach out and ask for help out of sticky situations, keep reading. We’re going to talk about why you shouldn’t stay quiet. If you know someone who tends to shut down emotionally, please share this with them too. We’ll address why it’s important to be open about struggles, how to open up, and when.
Why is it important to open up?
A lot of people shut down and suffer in silence for two main reasons: shame and fear.
When you let those particular emotions dictate what your next move will be and how to live your life, you’re focusing only on the negative and you risk living out toxic patterns. The more you shut down, the more trapped you’ll feel.
As retirement income planners, we’ve seen our fair share of clients who ask for our help feeling ashamed. They talk about their financial situation as if it was some dark secret, and they feel fearful about the future. That’s why one of the first things we do is to reassure them that simply by asking and reaching out, they already are on track to improve their situation.
What could be shameful about that? How is asking for help anything but an honorable and humble act?
As with so many other things, if you struggle with this, make an effort to shift your perspective. Understand that by asking others for help and not staying quiet, you’re acknowledging that no one is an island, and we constantly need one another… and that’s okay.
Culture and society are based on interaction, trust, and our need to connect with others.
How can we open up?
Now that we’ve cleared up why it’s normal and, by the way, completely essential for our growth to need a helping hand from time to time, let’s talk a bit about how to actually ask for something.
To ease yourself into asking for something, think about the times you’ve been asked for help or offered it yourself without even being asked.
- What compelled you to donate, assist, or do something for someone else?
- What kind of request usually puts you off?
By asking yourself these questions, you’ll learn what it is that actually bothers you about asking.
Once you’ve done this, you’ll have probably figured out that when the requests are sincere and to the point, you are more likely to lend a hand. So practice that in your own requests.
When a distressed friend trusted you enough to tell you about her relationship issues, did you think less of her? Would you think any less of a person seeking out professional help to overcome addiction or depression? How about an entrepreneur hosting a fundraiser to start a nonprofit organization? In these very different situations, the very act of not staying quiet and asking for help is the key to success.
Consider this: shame and the fear of rejection are mostly in your head and not really in the outside world. So don’t be quiet about your needs.
Dare to show your weaknesses so you can overcome them. Go easy on yourself and remember that others are willing to help.
When can we open up?
It may not seem like it, but there are always people willing to help. We thrive on the sense of belonging to a community and feeling connections.
As a species, we’ve come as far as we have because of our ability to help each other out – not in spite of it!
At any given moment there is always someone who cares about you: friends, family, and communities. It’s easy to adopt a cynical world view, but really, countless professions such as doctors, teachers, coaches, and advisors all studied and invested time and money to aid and encourage others in many different ways. Sure, they make a living out of this, but they could’ve made money a thousand different ways – and yet, they decided to do so by helping people. Don’t shy away from that.
So, when should you ask for help?
The answer is very simple: when you feel like you need it.
Make a mental note of this and always remember that there are people out there who care.
When you stay quiet and keep all your troubles to yourself, it feels like you’re carrying around extra weight all the time. There’s no reason for you to keep such a heavy load on your back when there’s an easier, healthier way.
As you’ve surely guessed by now, we’re not talking exclusively about financial problems here. Apply this philosophy to everything: from relationships to insomnia to overeating. Whatever is adding extra weight to your back… please do not stay quiet and ask for help with it. Always keep in mind that you don’t have to hide who you truly are.