#MotivationMondays

The people that surround you influence you in more ways than you may know. From inside jokes to how you react to challenging situations, the opinions and moods of those around you matter more than we might realize.

Having a group of close friends who care about you is a great safety net that can allow you to face challenges with confidence.

Friendships provide support, respect, kindness, and even hard truths when they’re needed. Plus, good friends can improve your health. Several studies have shown that social support helps people cope with a wide variety of issues including stress, depression, grief, and unhealthy habits.

It’s no secret that when you spend more time around certain people, you might start to act, talk, and think like them.

This doesn’t mean that you’ll lose your individuality, but at the end of the day, you’ll acquire some traits of those who you spend a lot of time with. Of course, your friends will pick up some of your traits as well. This is why it’s important to be around people that you like and admire—people who really hold your best interest at heart.

This is a two-way street, though! Friendships are as much about giving as they are about taking. Maintaining a balance is important.

So, who are your kind of people?

What type of crowd do you like to hang out with? If you’re not sure how to answer that, think about a close friend and name three things that you like about them. Chances are, the things you like about your close friend are things you would like about other people, too. You can use those traits to find the kind of people that are right for you.

In order to make sure that you create healthy friendships with others, you should choose to spend time with good-hearted people who value their time and relationships.

For strong friendships, build your own safety net while forming part of someone else’s at the same time.

When you surround yourself with true friends, you will add more fun, support, and meaning to your life.

Keep in mind, though, that being around like-minded people doesn’t mean finding an identical copy of yourself. You’ll never find someone exactly like you, and it’s okay if you don’t share all of your interests or if you don’t agree all the time.

Like-mindedness means sharing core values, like honesty and determination, and respecting each other’s uniqueness. These traits are extremely important in a worthwhile relationship. With a safety net of strong, healthy friendships, you will always have a sense of security and support through the good times and the bad.

When Friendship Turns Toxic

Once you create a network of friendships, it’s important to remember that your work doesn’t end there.

All relationships require time and energy from everyone involved.

Sometimes, relationships will take unexpected turns. Instead of enjoying the security and support that a friendship can offer, you might realize that your friendship has taken a wrong turn. Maybe your friendship feels filled with drama or you find yourself feeling upset when interacting with that friend.

If you often feel unappreciated, guilty, worried, or any other type of negativity in your relationship, you could be dealing with a toxic person.

If you suspect your friend might be a toxic person, here are some common warning signs to look for:

– They feel the need to always be right and will not move on until you agree with them.
– They try to control and manipulate your actions and feelings.
– They make you feel guilty or doubt your own decisions (often by insisting that they are the victim no matter what the situation).
– They don’t take responsibility for issues in the relationship or their own mistakes.
– They focus on negativity in all things.

Toxic people may have a painful history or other reasons behind their actions, but there is no excuse for treating others poorly.

If you find yourself spending time with a toxic person, try to create boundaries and distance between you and the toxic person.

Protecting yourself is important. However, not every conflict means that you’re dealing with a toxic person. Everyone makes mistakes, and sadly, everyone will end up getting hurt or hurting someone one time or another, even if it’s an accident. That’s just part of being human. It’s important to reflect on your actions and to improve yourself, but you shouldn’t expect perfection from anyone, not even yourself.

As is the case with most of the topics we discuss, manipulation also happens when dealing with finances.

Toxic behavior can exist in so-called “financial advisors” who make their clients feel ashamed and uncomfortable and force them to make risky monetary moves or invest in something they don’t want.

When the client wants out, these advisors use guilt to convince them to stay. In a case like this, nobody wins. The client loses financial stability, the “advisor” loses respect, and both lose valuable time.

Someone that cares for you won’t guilt you of force you into anything.

Pay close attention to the warning signs of toxic relationships, and if you happen to be around toxic people, create a healthy distance and move on.

It is possible to find people who add to your life instead of subtracting from it. Cherish those healthy relationships if you have them, and make an effort to find them if you don’t.
You’re in charge of your life.

You have the power to influence people through your actions and words, and you get to decide how you should be treated. You should show them what’s okay and what’s not in your book.

Be with your kind of people and enjoy life.

We all have a vision of our ideal self—an image of the perfect life. It’s different for everyone.

Some want to explore nature and reconnect with Mother Earth. Others want to impact people’s lives through artistic work, such as creating a painting or writing a novel.  Still others may want the freedom to travel around the world.

Whatever your vision is, it manifests your innermost desires and passions. Don’t ignore it. Don’t let yourself get caught up in mindless distractions. Don’t tell yourself you’re too busy.

Transforming your vision into reality begins with investing time in yourself.

Spoiler alert: It’s worth it.

Author and entrepreneur, Chris Guillebeau, gives us a sneak-peak on what it takes to become a master of one’s vision. In his book Born for This, Guillebeau explores how to create a successful career. According to Guillebeau, successful, fulfilled people have three common traits: joy, money, and flow.

These characteristics can also guide us on how to make our ideal lives a reality.

Question yourself: How are joy, money, and flow demonstrated in your life?

– Joy

Which of your daily activities gives you joy? If this was a no-brainer, great! You’re lucky. But if you struggle to find joy, you must rethink your daily life.

You deserve joy. What can you include in your routine to spark up your day?

You don’t have to make drastic changes. Sign up for dancing lessons. Write a thank you note. Grow flowers or herbs. Take part in your favorite charity. The possibilities are endless. Joy is everywhere. It’s up to you to add more of it to your life.

When you do the small things, joy creeps in to each day.

Doing the things you love will energize you and inspire others to do the same.

Joy starts you down the path to your vision. Imagine what a difference joy can make!

However, the truth is that you don’t have to wait for your vision to become a reality to be happy. Start to appreciate things as they are right now and you’ll be closer to that ideal picture without even noticing it.

– Money

Let’s keep things real. You need financial stability to keep your body and mind healthy.

But you may not yet have it. Money can be an obstacle for many people (and usually they struggle in silence, which puts even more weight on their back). It’s easy to blame money for an inability to do the things you want. While it may be a genuine excuse, it is a fixable one.

If you struggle with money, ask yourself: What can I do to make my vision financially sustainable?

Before you can find fulfillment, you need to get your finances in order. That means getting rid of debt and learning how to manage your income. You need enough money both to live comfortably and save for that inevitable rainy day.

Determination and planning are key to resolving money issues. We’ve found that with some minor adjustments, you easily can improve or fix money problems. If you’re struggling with financial management, we can help.

– Flow

Guillebeau defines flow as the things you do naturally well.  Think about it. What do people compliment you on? What is effortless for you?

The things you do well can underline and shape your vision. When you do something well, you become immersed in the flow of the task. As you fall into the flow, you become more relaxed and confident in yourself and your abilities.

Challenge yourself to find your flow. Bake some treats. Cheer someone up. Choose the perfect gift. Sing on pitch. It doesn’t matter what it is, just let it flow. After you’ve done the activity, take a couple of minutes and think about how it made you feel. Don’t you want these feelings more often? How can you bring flow to your everyday life and activities?

When you test your life by looking for joy, money, and flow, you’ll find your vision. Combining these three characteristics nourishes your soul and polishes your skills and talents. Feeling good about yourself and your capabilities is the key to unlocking the doors that stand in your way.

Tomorrow comes today

Of course there will be bumps in the road. We’re the first to admit that life can get hard. But if you take an active role in mastering these characteristics, you will have the tools to tackle whatever comes your way.

Avoid energy leaks like doing things that bore, stress, or frustrate you. Don’t forget to stop and enjoy the moment. Working on your future now doesn’t mean you should ignore the present.

Make the best of your days. Have fun discovering what the right combination of joy, money and flow feels like for you. You can transform your vision into reality as long as you’re willing to experiment and invest in yourself.

Ditch fear and self-doubt by focusing on what you have and the positive things you’ve contributed.

This is the message we’d like to transmit: it’s possible for you to create the life you want.

Start now. You have more options than you think.
Transform your vision into reality.

Social expectations are hard to let go of. We spend a great amount of precious time trying to fit into pre-established molds and pleasing other people. This is normal human behavior, by the way. We’re a social species and we just love to fit in.

But if other people’s voices are the only voices we listen to, the possibility of feeling inadequate or even lost increases.

This is why we always encourage women to create their own definition of success, one that resonates with their core desires even if it isn’t what they think everyone else expects from them.

Here’s the thing: desires and goals are personal. Everyone comes from a different background, carries different luggage, faces different challenges, and is currently on a different stage of their journey. All of this diversity results in a wide spectrum of dreams, goals, and achievements that enriches our culture and society. Always keep that in mind, because let’s face it: in today’s world, we need to be reminded that life’s not a race.

Remember, the only competition that matters is the one you hold with your own self. You should live up only to your own expectations.

To check if you really value your own self-growth and development, think about something you’ve made an improvement on — like the time you managed to finish that book, when you courageously asked for a raise, when you finally conquered a fear, and when you admitted you were wrong. Surely, you’ve had those kinds of moments. But did you properly congratulate yourself? Did you celebrate?

Most of the time, we let those “small” self-improvements pass us by when they’re actually what makes us who we are. Well, let’s not underestimate them anymore. Congratulate yourself for every accomplishment you make, because that’s what will make you feel rich and successful.

That’s what makes you better than you used to be.

The need to better ourselves is one of our best allies. It’s like a spark within us that keeps us dreaming, creating, and making. It’s what lets us know we’re working. There will be times when that spark won’t be as bright as it used to be and times when it comes and goes, but getting to know how to keep it alive is essential for our minds and our soul.

If you’re wondering how to keep your spark well and alive, take a look at a few of our best ideas:

– Be mindful about your finances.

Knowing that you have financial stability and having a healthy relationship with wealth will allow you to tailor your goals so they fit you perfectly. In other words, when we manage our finances, it means we’re managing other areas of our lives too.

Of course, we can help you with this — especially when it comes to your retirement — but you can also start with something as “small” as going through your budget to make some adjustments or keeping (an authentic) track of your expenses. Trust us, this one will keep your inner flame up.

– Stay in touch with your spiritual side.

Spirituality doesn’t necessarily equal religion. Staying in touch with your spiritual side means finding that spot where you feel centered and realize you’re an important piece of the big puzzle that is this universe. Some people practice meditation, art, and creativity or dedicate a minute of contemplative silence to a higher power (whatever that may be for you).

Spirituality has been linked to overall wellness and often provides comfort in challenging times. Faith is pretty powerful. Don’t underestimate this area of your life.

– Manage your emotions.

By now, it’s common knowledge that you should express your emotions instead of letting them bottle up. Getting there can be tricky, but working on your emotional intelligence is one of the greatest gifts you can give not only to yourself but to your loved ones as well.

Our emotions are also a reflection of our behavior; for example, the number of hours we sleep and how much we exercise have a direct impact on our mood. This is the reason why it’s important to check if there are some habits that you should adopt or remove to improve your emotional wellbeing.

We’ve said it once and we’ll say it again: investing in yourself is an act of love and kindness.

– Cultivate your knowledge.

We have the capacity to learn at every life stage, and we think that’s pretty amazing. In fact, many people mistake lack of cognitive stimulation with some signs of depression. We don’t need to hunt our food anymore, but we should always hunt experiences and gather lessons.

Sign up for some classes, learn a new language or how to play a music instrument, listen to other people’s stories or whatever else you’re curious about, and nourish your mind. We’re not meant to be bored. Let your inner spark guide you and learn something new. Cultivate your knowledge.

These are just a few suggestions on how to improve yourself, but make no mistake: you are already better than you used to be. Acknowledge it, and you’ll soon feel motivated to embark upon new adventures that will make your heart sing.

Everyday life can get pretty hectic. Between work, chores, commitments, e-mails and many other daily tasks, there’s barely any (quality) time for yourself.

Do you follow up on what’s really important?

In order to achieve everything without feeling constantly overwhelmed, you’ve got to know what’s really important to you. Prioritize and get crystal clear on what really matters in your life.

If you find yourself without time to attend important family events, meet with friends, or to simply take a long relaxing bubble bath, consider this the sign you’ve been waiting for and reevaluate your priorities, right now.

That’s it. The simplest, most effective way to deal with feeling overwhelmed is to prioritize.

Contemplate on what really matters to you and what your goals are. It doesn’t have to be complicated as you already know the answer to this – it’s within you. Like Henry David Thoreau said: “It’s not enough to be busy; so are the ants. The question is: what are we busy about?”

Really dig deep, and ask yourself, “Why am I so busy?” The answer might just be what you need to reassess your priorities.

If you “get” this, but are still unsure how to actually start applying it in real life, take a look below at our best advice to get rid of overwhelming feelings.

1. Track your time.

A lot of people complain that 24-hour days are simply not enough. But, when it comes down to it, most of us are guilty of not using our time wisely.

Track how much time you’re spending on social media, how many hours of TV you watch daily, and how often you check your phone – even when you’re not really expecting an important message or call.

The amount of time spent on such things often surprises people. Tracking your time is an important first step when dealing with overwhelming feelings (and it can also be a huge reality check!).

Don’t get us wrong; we’re not discouraging leisure activities. Rather, we’re saying that before you move on to other projects, activities, and functions, check if you have any time “leaks” that need some fixing.

2. Just say no.

Sometimes you’ve just got to say no. You don’t have to help your friend organize that dinner party; you don’t have to go to your cousin’s boss’s fundraiser, and you don’t have to do that favor simply because you were asked.

Life’s too short to do things you don’t really want to do. Don’t overcommit to things that will burn you out. Value your time as well as other people’s time.

Why? Well, let’s face it. If you’re doing things just to please people, the results won’t be great. There is no shame in saying no as long as it’s from an honest place.

Being clear on your priorities also helps with this, because the more you know what you want, the easier it gets to say no to the things you don’t.

3. Schedule breaks and fun activities.

Scheduling adds consistency in your life and helps lower stress levels which are behind those overwhelming feelings.

Make a habit of scheduling your activities, including the fun and relaxing ones, or you’ll risk not getting them done. Work happens. Requests happen. Something will always happen.

By planning for some free time within your schedule, you’re getting ahead of all that.

Of course, your days won’t always look the same, and sometimes you won’t be able to strictly follow things as planned. However, the visual aspect of having your days planned out can go a long way in making you feel more relaxed and not to mention, it’ll get you pumped up to get things done. Challenge yourself by creating a realistic schedule and actually follow it for a week. We bet you’ll want to keep it up.

Feeling overwhelmed doesn’t mean that you can’t handle your work, life, or relationships. It’s just a sign that you need to become aware of what your true priorities are and act accordingly.

Don’t let life pass you by. Put our advice to the test and get rid of those overwhelming thoughts and feelings that are holding you back. Act on what’s really important to you and always follow up.

Remember, you are good enough, strong enough, and fully capable of doing what matters.

Even though we ask for trivial things every day, the act of asking for a favor, comfort, or help makes a lot of people queasy. It’s difficult to ask for things that require a genuine connection and trust: things that have deeper meaning and expose our human vulnerability.

There’s no reason to stay quiet during hard times.

Our emotions, sensitivities, and, yes, even our imperfections make us who we really are, so why try to hide them from everybody and deal with them only by ourselves?

Trying to be some kind of perfect super woman will create emotional, mental, and physical strain.

People are not perfect and do not have everything figured out all the time, and you know it… so why should you be any different?

If you find it difficult to reach out and ask for help out of sticky situations, keep reading. We’re going to talk about why you shouldn’t stay quiet. If you know someone who tends to shut down emotionally, please share this with them too. We’ll address why it’s important to be open about struggles, how to open up, and when.

Why is it important to open up?

A lot of people shut down and suffer in silence for two main reasons: shame and fear.

When you let those particular emotions dictate what your next move will be and how to live your life, you’re focusing only on the negative and you risk living out toxic patterns. The more you shut down, the more trapped you’ll feel.

As retirement income planners, we’ve seen our fair share of clients who ask for our help feeling ashamed. They talk about their financial situation as if it was some dark secret, and they feel fearful about the future. That’s why one of the first things we do is to reassure them that simply by asking and reaching out, they already are on track to improve their situation.

What could be shameful about that? How is asking for help anything but an honorable and humble act?

As with so many other things, if you struggle with this, make an effort to shift your perspective. Understand that by asking others for help and not staying quiet, you’re acknowledging that no one is an island, and we constantly need one another… and that’s okay.

Culture and society are based on interaction, trust, and our need to connect with others.

How can we open up?

Now that we’ve cleared up why it’s normal and, by the way, completely essential for our growth to need a helping hand from time to time, let’s talk a bit about how to actually ask for something.

To ease yourself into asking for something, think about the times you’ve been asked for help or offered it yourself without even being asked.

• What compelled you to donate, assist, or do something for someone else?
• What kind of request usually puts you off?

By asking yourself these questions, you’ll learn what it is that actually bothers you about asking.

Once you’ve done this, you’ll have probably figured out that when the requests are sincere and to the point, you are more likely to lend a hand. So practice that in your own requests.

When a distressed friend trusted you enough to tell you about her relationship issues, did you think less of her? Would you think any less of a person seeking out professional help to overcome addiction or depression? How about an entrepreneur hosting a fundraiser to start a nonprofit organization? In these very different situations, the very act of not staying quiet and asking for help is the key to success.

Consider this: shame and the fear of rejection are mostly in your head and not really in the outside world. So don’t be quiet about your needs.

Dare to show your weaknesses so you can overcome them. Go easy on yourself and remember that others are willing to help.

When can we open up?

It may not seem like it, but there are always people willing to help. We thrive on the sense of belonging to a community and feeling connections.

As a species, we’ve come as far as we have because of our ability to help each other out – not in spite of it!

At any given moment there is always someone who cares about you: friends, family, and communities. It’s easy to adopt a cynical world view, but really, countless professions such as doctors, teachers, coaches, and advisors all studied and invested time and money to aid and encourage others in many different ways. Sure, they make a living out of this, but they could’ve made money a thousand different ways – and yet, they decided to do so by helping people. Don’t shy away from that.

So, when should you ask for help?

The answer is very simple: when you feel like you need it.

Make a mental note of this and always remember that there are people out there who care.
When you stay quiet and keep all your troubles to yourself, it feels like you’re carrying around extra weight all the time. There’s no reason for you to keep such a heavy load on your back when there’s an easier, healthier way.

As you’ve surely guessed by now, we’re not talking exclusively about financial problems here. Apply this philosophy to everything: from relationships to insomnia to overeating. Whatever is adding extra weight to your back… please do not stay quiet and ask for help with it. Always keep in mind that you don’t have to hide who you truly are.

Being open about what you’re going through is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of being alive and daring to connect with others.